Life

Wow. Where to start. Things have been so crazy lately, to put it mildly. I am feeling pretty good, so I can't complain there. I feel like the recovery after this surgery has been a little easier than the last, but I also need to take it easy b/c I know I'm over-doing it at times. It's easy for people to say not to, but with a two and four year old, it's virtually impossible.Then I feel ok, like I can do more, and pay later. I don't want to get into that cycle. I came home last Saturday and I will say I have not picked Jack up once. Last Saturday/Sunday/Monday were very hard being with the kids after a week of rest. I cried a lot. I can't lift over two pounds for six weeks. Think about that!?!? It's tough!! The first thing I had to do was change purses and only put the bare necessities in there. Jack wants me to do stuff and I just can't. It breaks my heart. I will take Jack up to his room, change him, read stories, have cuddle time, and then call Nick up to put him in his crib. He cried for the first few days, but now he's doing ok. Hunter has been great. No hitting my back, jumping on me, and stuff that he used to do. I don't love how he tells people, "hey, do you want to see my mommy's boo-boo?" b/c it's kind of gross. They used this glue instead of stitches which is cool, but it's quite swollen still. I get worn out really easily. I take a shower and get dressed, do my hair, and I'm ready for a nap. It's pathetic, but then I keep reminding myself I'm only 10 days out of major surgery, so gotta give myself a break! I have to treat myself right so I can get better. Easier said than done.
The one true blessing is that my mom's group (MOPS) are helping to bring me meals. I brought a lot of meals this year to mom's with new babies and now I'm getting some help when I really need it. I have this feeling of guilt for people going out of their way to help me, but we truly need it and it's an AMAZING ministry that they do. When Nick comes home, food is here and ready, it's a true HUGE BLESSING. To have Nick walk in the door, the nanny leaves, Nick getting clothes changed, dinner, and dealing with kids is very stressful ad then when I can't help, it's even worse. To not have to think about what to make, me have to do it with bending or whatever or Nick doing it and me chasing kids, it's just awesome. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to bring us a meal or send flowers, candy, etc. It sure makes me feel loved and blessed that I have such nice friends and family.
I still have not quite figured out going back to work. I think I need to still build up some energy before going back all day long. I'm hoping I can go in a few days next week for a few hours and see how it goes. I can work from home which is awesome too. I know it won't be six weeks out of work like my last surgery, so that's a good thing! I just like to be in my routine and know my plan for the day and for now I've been winging it.
Well, wanted to document all this....I am still having some emotional issues with the fact that this happened and happened so fast and unexpectedly. I was against surgery, but had NO choice. I could not move and wasn't leaving the hospital until the fixed it--and the pain was flat out unbearable. I just hope and pray this is the beginning of the end of my problems b/c back pain and nerve pain especially really sucks. I have been dealing with this since August of 2005 and I'm SICK of it.
On another note, ironically, the day I went to the hospital I got an email from a church friend. She has three boys right around my kid's ages and was just diagnosed with cancer. It puts things into perspective that it could be worse. Please pray for her (Natalie) and her family. I can't imagine what that is like. I think her prognosis is pretty good, but it's scary as hell, that's for sure!

At least Nick is happy. While I was down and out and not at home, he decides to buy a sports car. Mid-life crisis in your mid-30's? I'm not sure. I need more life insurance on him.

Love,