Warning--long post!! A lot has been going on with the kids lately. I feel like I want to document this more for myself to remember in the future. First, Jack. Wow, he's changed a lot in the last three to four weeks. He used to be so sweet and easy going. All the sudden he discovered tantrums and it's been in full force. It is exhausting. Not to mention Hunter never threw tantrums, so this is all new to me. Jack get upset about every little thing and it turns into a tantrum. Mostly over wanting to do stuff himself. Whether it's letting the dog out, closing a door, climbing up into the car, wanting a snack, wanting to feed the dog, etc. if things don't go his way, he gets MAD. It is not fun to deal with! I have been told that this is totally normal for a two year old, so we are dealing with it the best we can. It sure is testing our patience though. I have been trying to plan more time to do things b/c just to get out the door with him having to close the door, give the dog a treat, climb into the car, climb up to his car seat AND buckle himself, it's frustrating! You are wondering why I let him? Well, if I don't, he freaks out and it is nearly impossible to get him into the car. He fights like no other and I seriously can't even physically get him into his seat and strapped in...it's a sight to see. I would do it myself if I could. I try to tell myself that he's just showing us that he wants to be independent and that is a good thing. He is still a sweet boy at times. He loves to hug, kiss, and cuddle. He has to kiss me on the lips, hug, and kiss BOTH cheeks before going into his crib. He still sleeps pretty well through the night. Overall, I know it could be worse!! I'm glad he's not too laid back and won't let people walk all over him.
On another note, we have been trying to figure out what to do about his speech (or lack thereof). At age two, kids should be saying around 50 words and combining two words. He is almost 2 1/2 and not doing either (meaning not saying 50 words). Hunter didn't talk until after two, so I wasn't that worried, but the more time goes on, I'm getting a little worried. Recently, b/c Nick kept bugging me, I took him to a program through Ann Arbor Public Schools where they do assessments, therapy, and other services for free (hey, my tax dollars at work considering they aren't in the public school system and may not ever be). Anyway, the social worker we saw was very concerned. She suggested we intervene immediately (this got me even more worried). So Monday morning he is having his hearing tested. I know he can hear just fine, but they want to officially eliminate this as an issue. Jack understands everything. He does what you say, knows objects, animals, commands, etc. I know nothing is "wrong" with him and I hope with a little more help we can get him on the right track. On May 10th, he goes in for a formal assessment. He has informally been evaluated, but we have to do the formal thing to be sure he will qualify for services (the social worker said it's guaranteed that he will). After that I suppose we'll start speech therapy with him. Wish us luck and please pray that the words come to him easily! Btw, the social worker and I both agreed that a lot of the tantrums come from his frustration in not being able to communicate what he wants, so that will be a real positive in getting some help. He does say some words such as, "boo-boo, uh-oh, hi, bye, hot, up, my, mine, mama, daddy, mom, dad" and a few other things that I'm not thinking of right now, so it's not like he's not saying anything, but it's not at all close to where he should be. He does pick up a few new words each week, but it should be each day. I guess that's it for now...I love this little guy more than anything. He really is a blessing and so funny at times. I have the most fun with him just being silly--dancing, running around, hide and seek, and things like that. If he's not throwing a tantrum, he's a super happy little guy!
Now, on to Hunter...He is doing really well, except for some behavioral issues. Hunter is super smart and doing really well in school. His teacher truly likes him and says he loves a challenge. He wants to do "work" (that's what they call it at Montessori) that is hard for him and picks up on things easily. He is playing basketball and LOVES it. Nick just got a basketball hoop for our driveway and he will play out there until you make him come in. He's really good and fast. The kid is faster than Nick and me! He's learning to read and write really well too. He can write his name good (meaning you know what it says). This summer is going to be fun for him. He's very excited for vacation bible school and safety town. He's also going to a summer camp at his school for three weeks. They are three different weeks scattered throughout the summer (one June, one July, one August)...just 4 hours in the morning. Hunter is also excited for swim lessons at our club. I hope the lifeguard who did lessons with him last summer will be back b/c she was awesome.
Hunter has a great sense of humor and I think we are turning a corner with him playing more with Jack. I know it will be even better when Jack can talk. Hunter wants to know where he is or wants him to go places with him, so that is all good. We still struggle with some behavior issues that we have for a long time. The same social worker that we are dealing with when it comes to Jack has been helping us on the side with Hunter (which is SO awesome--I think she likes us and feels sorry for me!) She's been to our home to see what we are dealing with. She thinks that he's really smart (so it's not just me that thinks so!) and that makes it harder to discipline him b/c he's very manipulative and we can't easily outsmart him. His major issues come at "transition times" at school...i.e. getting ready to go out for recess, coming in for lunch, packing up to go home, and then times like when Jack gets up in the morning and gets up from nap and things like that. The social worker, Mary, is so good with him and has helped us to come up with some ideas.
I really struggle with the fact that we have a hard time controlling him and getting criticism from family doesn't make me feel any better. It's easily for people to suggest things, but they don't live here and see what it's like all day long. I NEVER in a million years thought I would be one to have a kid I couldn't control and neither did Nick. We are at a point that for the overall happiness and peace in our household we just figured we'd ask the social worker what she thought. I guess we could keep it a secret, but oh well, it is what it is. Maybe just having an outside professional's help will give us some ideas and techniques that we feel comfortable with and work for our family. We've tried everything from spanking, yelling, time-out, and stuff like that, but it doesn't work.
Mary helped us come up with two ideas. The reason I like her plan so much is that one part is rewarding him for good behaviors and the other part is punishment for the bad behaviors. So, the reward for positive stuff is the Marble Jar Reward System and the discipline part is called 1-2-3 Magic. I guess it's a huge phenomenon out there for parents. She does it herself with her own daughter and says it works wonders. Thursday I went to get the "supplies" to implement our new system. This morning I sat down with Hunter to explain the new "Hopwood House Rules" and how both things would work. We are only eight hours into it, but so far so good! I sure hope this works. I want to get things going better before summer comes and he's home more...I actually feel like a weight has been lifted having a plan. Nick and I are both committed to this and I hope with our nanny's help too, that it will turn things around! He's such a good kid and we know he's capable of being good b/c he is at school for the most part, so we just need to improve on some things here at home too.
Below is the poster I made with drawings...It pretty much covers everything he needs to do. I had to add a few things within two hours like "no throwing" and "no name calling", but I think we're good now!
Above explains the rules of the marble jar rewards. It's a reminder for us and then explains it for any babysitters too.
Above is the 1-2-3 Magic rules.
I bought these pretty marbles at Michael's...maybe I'll find a place for them once we're done using them!
Above is his little jar to collect marbles in. Today's goal is 15 marbles. If he gets them all we are going to Chuck E. Cheese later. It's recommended that you do "something big" the first time so he really wants to work for it. He has 9 marbles right now and will get two more for being good at quiet time, so just a few away from getting his reward!
On days where the reward won't be so "big" he will get to choose something out of the bucket. I picked up a bunch of things from Michael's and a few candy treats too (hey, that is what motivates him, so we'll try it. Please don't judge!)
That's it for now. Please pray for both kids and Nick and I to have the patience we need to get through this! I know it will be fine in the end, but it's been a rough few months (well, years?) and I'm hopeful that life will get easier soon. This raising kids thing is exhausting...but well worth it. They do the cutest and funniest things. Hunter tells me he loves me, Jack gives kisses and wants me to kiss his boo-boo's...that makes it all worth it!!!
Have a good weekend!!
